it's been an extremely tough week with alot of sadness for me that i just haven't known what to do with.

the last time i was here, i talked about the newest addition to my family...a kitty - pooki.  we got him for our cat rocky who is a year old.  we thought he'd like the company.  the first few days, rocky couldn't really be bothered but then he definitely seemed to take a liking to pooki.

a week ago was the last time i saw rocky.  sometimes he sleeps inside at night and other times he doesn't.  he chose.  he has a bed in the shed which is about 50 feet from our house and sometimes he was still on the prowl and didn't come when called in at bedtime.  he was always there when i got up though.  last wednesday, he wasn't.  i spent the day calling him and going through the woods searching.  he has been neutered and hasn't ever wandered far or for long. we've got 8 acres and alot of places to play.  i thought he'd come back but he didn't.

last thursday, i was really starting to worry.  i had to work but afterward, the same thing - lots of searching and calling to no avail.

last friday, i couldn't even work.  i was heartsick!  i made posters and hung them around.  talked to neighbors. we are isolated with not alot of neighbors but i was hoping maybe he got stuck in someone's garage or something.  i called local vets but no sign of him.

i don't know what to do.... i am so sad.  how do you reconcile that one day he is here and the next he is just gone.  i have had lots of animals.  i've loved them all but some of them have been extra special.  a very strong bond - deep in my heart. rocky is there.

so, my husband said now we need to get another kitty - for pooki.  i didn't want to.  in fact, i'm having trouble with pooki.  i don't want to let him out of my sight. i feel guilty when i play with him or when he touches my heart or makes me laugh. i want my rocky.

but we went to the humane society anyway and chose a little girl - rosie.  she's a little sweetie and it was a good decision cause she and pooki are having a blast.

this is all good but i am getting depressed.  every day that goes by without rocky, the sadness deepens.  i guess i just have to wait it out.  and continue to hope.  i've heard stories of cats returning home long after they disappeared.  maybe that will be the case.

sunday nap

think i'll join him...

it's clear to me now that i'm ok

i often say to myself that i am looking for "balance" in my life...

i decided to look up the definition to see if that's the correct word  for what i'm experiencing.

these terms popped right off the page...."a state of equilibrium", "equal distribution" and "mental steadiness or emotional stability".  then because i like to know the dictionary definitions of things, i looked up "equilibrium".
it says "an equal action of opposing forces", and "an equal balance of powers and influences".

now i feel better because i don't know anyone who has found balance.... so i think i'll stop searching!

the next word that i'll look up is "scattered".  but i'll leave that for another day....

i started the 365 project today to help my focus and to keep me in the moment....

this was taken this morning while playing with my rocky.  he is always on the prowl...

it seems some people doing the 365 pick a theme like clouds or flowers or frogs and they take a photo each day, or they chronicle their photography progress, or use it like an art journal or daily diary.  for me, i think i'm going to use it to help my focus. no specific plans... just take and post a photo each and every day!

i'm exhausted thinking more about all the things yet to be done and i need to appreciate more what i am doing...

think it'll work???